My Story
Each person has their life roadmap, but they are either at a sticking point and need help pushing through, are not sure where to start or go next feeling lost and overwhelmed, or others are simply just trying to find the roadmap.
I have experienced all three of these seasons, many of them multiple times, throughout my teens, 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. I finally saw my self-sabotaging, self-destructive pattern in my 40’s as I found myself in my 4th marriage. When you’re on your 4th marriage, at some point you must look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What is the common denominator here?” and honestly answer it, “It’s me.”
It was a hard realization that all the money and time I spent on self-help books, workshops, certifications, audio cassette tapes (we are going way back!), CD’s, audiobooks, podcasts, YouTube videos, TedTalks…I could go on and on. The point is, I always believed THEY didn’t work. What I had to realize is that I was not doing the work! I was busy wasting time and spending money getting other people rich vs investing my time and money to make me whole, creating the life I desired, and experiencing a return on my investment.
Ironically, I chose a career path that offered me over 30 years helping other people learn who they are, what they wanted, and how to get there. Through certifications in multiple personality type instruments, leadership development programs and strategy, I’ve invested countless hours coaching thousands of people on their path, observing from the sidelines as they went on to find success and fulfillment, confidence and a belief of worthiness, a feeling of true love and pure joy. Continually asking myself, “Why can’t I have it all?”
I always felt proud of my career, yet unfulfilled and low self-esteem in every other part of my life. I lacked confidence that I could be successful as a mother, spouse, sibling or friend because deep down I didn’t believe I deserved it, and I wasn’t worthy of it. Because of these deep-seeded beliefs, I also didn’t believe that I was lovable, deserved true unconditional love, and I struggled to show love to others. Having no idea what pure joy even meant or felt like! Honestly, I was too afraid to take the steps to find out because my identity was so tied to hanging onto the patterns, beliefs, relationships, and life experiences that were familiar, even if unproductive or toxic. It was far easier to make excuses and place the blame on anything and everyone other than myself.
I believe the right people are always being lined up to be in the right place at the right time to give you the messages, experiences, or relationships you need. I have many examples that I can point to over my life as I look back and reflect to give evidence of this belief. However, there are two moments that I want to share with you that I hope will inspire you as they did me.
It was 2018, I was pouring myself into my job, traveling weekly, missing my oldest son’s high school years and my youngest son’s elementary years, piling on the guilt and having more of a business partnership with my fourth husband than a marriage. I was running hard and fast chasing something, but I didn’t know what. One day, a very dear friend and colleague of mine looked at me and said, “Shan, save the hamster.” It was a loving way to say running on the hamster wheel faster and faster was getting me nowhere only depleting my energy and my spirit. Even worse, I had to face the reality that everyone around me was feeling it.
Around that same time a dear mentor of mine was retiring and during the retirement party, they looked at me with the deepest sense of love and sincerity and said, “You are enough. You always have been. You need to start believing it.”
That hit home hard as though it shook me to my core. I never experienced such a physical transformational shift. It was though God himself was speaking directly to me. It was in that moment that I knew I had to stop “phoning in the work,” I had to get serious and face some hard traumas, disappointments, failures, embarrassments, guilt, shame, and judgements I had formed against myself.
It was a hard realization that people around me could see so clearly what I was trying so hard to hide. The lack of self-worth, confidence, self-love and unfulfillment. Yet here I was every day at work pouring into others to raise their self-worth, confidence, and self-love and doing it very successfully! Some call this imposter syndrome; I call it needing to tend to my garden, press into my faith, and do some real work on myself.
In 2020, my life completely changed. At the time, I would have said some changes for the better, some changes not. However, looking back now and reflecting, it all had to happen to bring me to where I am today.
My 4th marriage ended, I had to sell (what I thought at the time) was my forever home, my team was downsized at work resulting in dear friends losing their jobs, my sons were going through emotional trauma from their inside and outside worlds being in chaos, our family lost a young family member to a car accident, and we were navigating helping another one struggle with addiction. Mental, emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual tests. It was though God was asking me if I was really ready to give up control and lean into my faith, do the hard work, and completely trust life’s journey.
Here is how I reflect on 2020 now:
while my fourth marriage ended, it ended amicably and opened the door for God to bring me my soulmate, Jon. Jon and I dated in high school. He gave me a promise ring the summer between our junior and senior year, then he moved across the US our senior year. We hadn’t connected for 34 years. Within 48 hours of reconnecting via text messages, I knew he was the one I had been looking for in all four marriages. Again, continuing to prove to me that God brings people into your life at the right time. We got married in 2023. True love!
even though the team at work was downsized and restructured, I was grateful to have the job to support the other transitions in my life. The shift in my work responsibilities afforded me the freedom and flexibility to invest in myself and do the hard work. Pressing into energy work, learning the mind body connection, and experiencing how powerful we are in healing ourselves along with strong faith. I was able to break free from what was holding me back and open me up to what life had in store for me. Leading me down the path to where I am today able, willing, and with a deep desire to help others. Fulfillment!
Jon and I have a blended family of five children. While they are all finding their purpose and walking their roadmap, we have faith that how we show them love and support is providing them with a solid foundation of confidence, self-worth, and self-love. Pure joy!
For the last several years, I’ve taken everything I’ve learned and built upon it even deeper and further. Investing in uncovering the root, reason, cause of what was holding me back, being patient with myself and giving myself the grace to do the healing work. Turning limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs. Doing the work to transform behaviors, create productive habits, and drive empowering actions to manifest the life I want.
I’ve always had a strong spiritual belief that everything happens to support my life’s journey. We are co-creators with God. What I didn’t expect over the course of the last several years is the deep understanding and joyful discovery of how spirit, energy, beliefs, mind, and body are all connected working for me, not against me, helping to manifest the life I truly desire. Most important and extraordinary is the realization of how powerful we are to heal ourselves, love ourselves, and awaken our best life!
I believe that I do have it all (even as flawsome as I will always be…thank you Marisa Peer!) and I’m going to continue to have it all! Success and fulfillment, confidence and self-worth, love and pure joy. You can too!
If you are you looking for a:
quick-fix promise
miraculous silver bullet approach
overnight success guarantee
Working with me is not your answer or solution. I wish you well in your continued search. Please let me encourage you not to spend all your money and waste all your time jumping from one short-term promise to another because life offers too many options, time is too limited to explore them all, and you have too much to offer to keep spinning.
Working with me I promise to:
help you break through and be free from what is holding you back in a safe, supportive, encouraging way if you are ready to do the work.
provide phenomenally effective tools and a proven process to help you rise boldy.
empower you to awaken your best life if you are ready to be vulnerable and make the commitment to yourself.
You can live empowered and have it all!
My guarantee is if you put in consistent work, time, effort, and energy to use the tools and trust your self, the Spirit, and the process you can create lasting, lifetime results and have the life you want. You can have it all!